Wednesday 30 June 2010

Irish Humour

I don't know if you already know but the Irish humour is a little... well, weird^^
Here are a few examples of jokes =)

At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up: "At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands.

Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.

After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker from America stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Ireland stood up: "After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness.

Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!" xD

The Top Ten Signs That You're Being Stalked by a Leprechaun

Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.

Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.

Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.

You're being followed by a large woman with a sultry voice and a dying career. (Oops! That's a sign you're being stalked by Chaka Khan.)

You don't recall owning an anatomically correct lawn gnome.

Card delivered with the bouquet of 4-leaf clovers reads, "I bet you're magically delicious!"

When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing "Danny Boy."

Prank caller has a really corny Irish accent, and Richard Gere has an airtight alibi.

Those tiny green hairs on your toilet seat.

Sultry voice from shower soap dish asks, "Is that your shillelagh, or are you just happy to see me?"

Pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds scratched on your car at knee-level, and Ross Perot is nowhere to be found.

Them little green pellets in the litter box ain't M&M's, Chester.

Every day this week you've noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.

Well...^^ What do you think of it? ;)

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